Note: All client stories have been heavily altered to protect confidentiality while preserving the essential teaching points.
A real test with overwhelm came during a heated discussion with my teenage daughter about her weekend plans. As she passionately explained why my concerns were “totally unfair,” I felt that familiar tightness in my chest, the urge to interrupt with all my reasons. But then I remembered what we practice at JoyPath. “I hear you,” I said softly, then applied my “duct tape of grace” to pause and regulate.
When we talk about “duct tape of grace” at JoyPath, we’re using a playful metaphor for something powerful – imagining a virtual piece of duct tape we place across our own mouths to stop ourselves from saying things that might overwhelm others or ourselves. It’s that moment when we consciously choose to close our mouths, even though words are practically bursting to come out. The “grace” part reminds us that this isn’t about suppressing or silencing ourselves forever – it’s about creating a pause filled with honor and respect, both for ourselves and others.
Those three simple words – “I hear you” – combined with my virtual duct tape, created just enough space for something to shift. In that pause, I could feel myself returning to what Dr. Dan Siegel calls our “window of tolerance,” where genuine connection becomes possible.
The brain is built for connection, but it must feel safe to engage, Dr. Jim Wilder reminds us. This safety begins with how we meet our own experience, what Sarah Peyton calls resonance – the experience of feeling felt, accompanied by a palpable sense of warmth and understanding.
Understanding True Resonance
Think of resonance as creating a compassionate witnessing presence for your own experience – like having the most understanding friend sitting with you, except that friend is yourself. For some in our community, this practice is enriched by inviting Immanuel into these moments. When we speak of Immanuel, we’re referring to Jesus, whose name means “God with us.” This isn’t about religion, but about inviting His personal, loving presence into our moments of self-discovery when that feels right for us.
Resonance operates on several levels, each offering a different doorway into understanding our experience if we step into the vulnerability of noticing:
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- Physical Resonance
When we tune into body sensations with warmth and curiosity:
“I’m noticing this flutter in my stomach… this tightness in my throat… this heaviness in my chest…” - Emotional Resonance
As we acknowledge feeling states without judgment:
“There’s anxiety here… and underneath that, maybe some sadness… all of these feelings get to be here…” - Needs Resonance
When we listen deeply to what we’re longing for:
“This part of me really needs some rest… some understanding… some acknowledgment…” - Relational Resonance
How we’re experiencing our connections with others:
“I’m noticing tension when I think about this interaction… a longing for more ease between us…”
- Physical Resonance
One of my clients, James, recently shared a moment that perfectly illustrated why this matters. “I was in a team meeting,” he said, “feeling increasingly frustrated with a colleague’s approach to our project. I could feel the familiar rush of words building – all the reasons why his idea wouldn’t work, all the problems he wasn’t seeing. But then I remembered to say ‘I hear you’ and apply my duct tape. In that pause, I took time to resonate with what was happening in my body. Beneath my urgent need to speak was actually fear about the project’s timeline. Once I could feel that, I could share it differently.”
The Foundation: Practicing the Vulnerability of Self-Resonance and Sacred Presence:
As Sarah Peyton teaches us, resonance is the experience of feeling felt, accompanied by a palpable sense of warmth and understanding. At JoyPath, we’ve discovered that this resonance deepens profoundly when we recognize it as a vulnerable check-in with ourselves, but also with Immanuel’s loving presence.
Tamara, one of our community members, describes this beautifully: “I used to rush through checking in with myself, afraid of what I might find. Now when I notice it, I begin sharing with Immanuel each feeling and sensation that I am noticing. Sometimes I literally ask, ‘Jesus, what do you want me to notice about what I’m feeling right now?’ I notice the thoughts and senses that come to me. These answers often surprise me with their gentleness.”
This three-way resonance – between ourselves, Immanuel, and our experience – can create a foundation of safety for authentic expression. Whether we’re feeling overwhelmed, afraid, or uncertain, His presence helps us stay present with whatever emerges.
Understanding Our Brain’s Natural Rhythm
Dr. Siegel explains that we all have a personal bandwidth for managing life’s complexities – our window of tolerance. When we’re within this window, we can think clearly, connect easily, and respond rather than react. But stress, particularly in relationships, can push us into either hyperarousal (that overwhelming flood of words and emotions) or hypoarousal (shutting down and disconnecting).
One of my clients, Jesse, described it perfectly: “It’s like I become a different person. One minute I’m frantically telling my kid what they should be doing differently, and the next, I see the far away look in their eyes, and I just… freeze. Neither state feels like me.”
I discovered the profound truth of this one evening in my kitchen, as I followed my husband around, unleashing a tornado of thoughts about weekend plans, kids’ activities, and a dozen other “urgent” matters. It wasn’t until I caught his reflection in the window – eyes glazed over, shoulders tense – that I realized I had pushed us both far outside our windows of tolerance.
Practical Steps for Growing Beyond Overwhelm
This moment became a turning point in understanding what it truly means to restore honor through respect. It’s not just about managing our words – it’s about learning to recognize and respond to our own state of emerging overwhelm before we overwhelm others.
Ella, another client, described her breakthrough: “I used to think self-resonance meant fixing my feelings. Now I understand it’s about being with them. Last week, when my husband made a larger purchase without consulting me, my old pattern would have been to lecture him about consideration. Instead, I said ‘I hear you about this purchase,’ applied my duct tape, and took a moment to really feel what was happening in my body. The tightness in my chest had something to tell me about feeling left out.”
The Dance of Integration: A Personal Story
Let me share a recent moment that brought all these pieces together. Last week, I found myself in a familiar situation that would have typically sent me into overwhelm. My husband mentioned he had committed us to dinner at his friend’s house on Saturday – a night I had secretly been hoping to spend catching up on rest after a busy week. My old pattern would have been to express disapproval of his “unilateral decision,” list all the reasons why this wasn’t a good idea, and convince him to change the plans.
But this time was different. As I felt the familiar urge to control the situation rising, I noticed the sensations in my body – the tightness in my chest, the subtle panic about losing my hoped-for quiet evening. I took a breath. “I hear you about wanting to connect with friends,” I said softly, then applied my duct tape of grace and took another deep breath. In that pause, I tapped the breaks and practiced resonance with my experience and invited Immanuel to show me what He wanted me to notice.
“I’m noticing this fluttery feeling in my stomach and tension in my shoulders. Something in me feels afraid… afraid of being depleted, afraid of not getting my needs met. I can be with these feelings for a moment.”
As I sat with these sensations, I realized something profound – my desire to control the situation was coming from fear, not truth. In the quieting, I could feel my nervous system beginning to settle, and with that settling came clarity: my husband likes to make social plans for our family. Many times I’m immediately happy that he does. My need for rest is valid, and so is his natural desire to connect with friends.
When I felt regulated enough to respond, instead of following my initial urge of trying to control or change the situation, I chose to receive and express my desires in a pure way: “Thank you for handling these social plans, honey. I trust you. And I’m also noticing I feel a bit tired – I’d love to take some quiet time to myself on Sunday to recharge?”
The shift in energy was immediate and beautiful. Instead of the defensive posture I’d grown used to seeing when I’d react and try to control situations, his face softened. He smiled and said, “Of course – you know what? I can see you’ve had a long week. Why don’t you take some time to yourself before we go on Saturday too?”
I beamed at him grateful to receive his thoughtfulness, and shared,”Thank you!” And I whispered, “Thank you, Immanuel.”
What makes these tools so powerful is how they work together. Rebecca, another client, shared her discovery: “It’s like a graceful dance now. I say ‘I hear you’ to create space, use my duct tape to pause, check in with what I’m really feeling, and then share from that authentic place. Each step supports the others.”
Here’s what this dance often looks like:
1. Notice the Signs
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- Feel the slide towards overwhelm or urge to control
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- Recognize body signals (tension, racing heart, urgent need to speak)
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- Catch yourself before the flood
2. Create Sacred Space
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- Say “I hear you” to acknowledge the other person
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- Apply your duct tape of grace
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- Take that precious pause
3. Connect with Yourself
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- Notice your feelings and sensations with warmth
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- Take time to “be with” and resonate with your experience and the part of you that is activated
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- Notice insights and root needs that emerge
4. Share Authentically
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- Consider if you feel freedom to let something go or want to connect more with a mentor, Immanuel, or that person on the matter
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- Express your needs and desires in a pure way from your own paper
Dr. Wilder notes that joy starts between two people in less than one second. When we combine these practices – the “I hear you,” the duct tape of grace, self-resonance, and authentic sharing – we create countless opportunities for those joy-filled moments of connection.
A Gentle Invitation to Practice
As you’ve read these stories and explored these tools, you might be feeling both excited and perhaps a little overwhelmed. That’s perfectly natural. Remember, this is a vulnerable practice – one that grows stronger with gentle, consistent attention.
Perhaps you’d like to experiment with just one piece at first. Maybe it’s simply noticing when you feel the urge to overwhelm others with words. Or practicing saying “I hear you” when you feel tension rising. You might try imagining that duct tape of grace in a low-stakes situation, just to feel what that pause is like.
There’s no need to perfect all of these skills at once. As Sarah Peyton reminds us that every moment of self-resonance builds neural pathways for presence. Each time you pause to honor your own experience or create space for another, you’re growing your capacity for connection.
I invite you to start where you are. Notice what feels accessible to stretch towards. Trust that small steps create lasting change. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Every person in the JoyPath community is stretching to practice these skills as it feels right for them, one moment at a time, creating more spaces for honor, respect, and authentic connection.
Remember, the next time you feel that slide into overwhelm or control, you have tools available: a gentle “I hear you,” your duct tape of grace, sacred guidance, and the warm presence of self-resonance. Your relationships – and your nervous system – will thank you.
Want to explore these practices in a supportive environment? Discover JoyPath Coaching where we practice these skills together celebrating each small victory.
A Note About JoyPath’s Gentle Protector Skills
The skills explored in this article – Sharing Your Heart Authentically with Vulnerability and Restoring Honor with Respect – are just two of the transformative Gentle Protector skills we practice at JoyPath. When used together with our other skills, they create powerful shifts in life and relationships. To learn more about JoyPath’s complete framework of Gentle Protector skills and how they work together, visit our article Understanding the Gentle Protector Skills.
Works Cited
Peyton, Sarah. Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations and Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing. W. W. Norton & Company, 2017.
—. “The Nature of Resonance.” Empathy Brain Online, 2021.
Siegel, Daniel J. The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. 3rd ed., The Guilford Press, 2020.
—. “The Window of Tolerance: A Framework for Understanding Trauma and Anxiety.” Psychotherapy Networker, vol. 35, no. 1, 2011.
Wilder, E. James. Joy Starts Here: The Transformation Zone. Shepherd’s House Inc., 2014.
—. “The Brain is Built for Connection.” Life Model Works Blog, Life Model Works, 2019.