Running on Empty? How Five Minutes Can Bring You Back to Yourself

By Joanna Hughes · JoyPath Coaching

Melanie sat across from me, turning her wedding ring around and around. “I’m doing all the right things,” she said. “I’m showing up for everyone. But I feel empty. Like I’m running on fumes.” Two months later she walked into our session with color in her cheeks. “I feel like me again,” she laughed. “Yesterday I caught myself dancing in the kitchen while I made dinner. My husband just stared and said, ‘I haven’t seen you do that in years.'” Nothing big had changed in Melanie’s life. What changed was that she had started tending to her own soul, in small pieces, most days. That is what this article is about: soul renewal, and why a few minutes of it can change how you show up for everyone you love. “He restores my soul,” the psalmist writes (Psalm 23:3). Restoration is not a luxury for when everything else is done. It is how God designed us to keep coming back to ourselves.

You cannot give from an empty well

When we are depleted, there is very little left for patience, tenderness, or delight. I know this from my own life. In seasons when I was giving from an empty well, everything felt harder than it needed to be, and the people closest to me felt it too. One client told me about the Sunday he sat in his car in the church parking lot, unable to walk in. For years he had prided himself on never needing a break. “That was my wake-up call,” he said. “I couldn’t give what I didn’t have.” Soul renewal is not selfish. It is the oxygen mask you put on first, so you have something real to offer the people beside you.

Tending your own garden

At JoyPath I often talk about staying on your own paper: caring for what is truly yours, your own heart, choices, and needs, instead of trying to manage everyone else’s. Soul renewal is how your own paper becomes something more. Picture it as a secret garden. When it is neglected, it is a place you avoid. When it is tended, with a little care most days, it becomes somewhere delightful to be. Somewhere you actually want to spend time. And here is the best part. A garden in bloom draws people. Not because you are trying to attract anyone, but because life and delight are simply fascinating to be near. Remember Melanie’s husband, stopping in the doorway to watch her dance? That is what a tended garden does.

Three places your body can be

It helps to know where you are before choosing what you need. One simple map comes from Polyvagal Theory, which describes how the nervous system is always quietly scanning for safety. It is often pictured as a ladder with three rungs. Researchers still debate the details, but as a map for daily life, many people find it remarkably helpful. At the top: connected. You feel calm, present, and like yourself. You can listen without getting defensive and stay curious about someone else. One group member described an evening on the porch swing with his wife: “We talked for two hours. Really talked. For the first time in months.” In the middle: revved up. Your body prepares to fight or run. The heart speeds up, the jaw tightens, the breath gets shallow, and your thinking narrows. A mom told me about grape juice spilled across a cream couch minutes before guests arrived: “Before I knew it, I was snapping at everyone. I couldn’t even remember what I’d said to my son.” At the bottom: shut down. When it all feels like too much, the body can go numb and heavy. You may feel foggy, flat, far away. A client described coming home after a hard day at work: “My wife was talking, but her voice sounded far away. I spent the whole weekend on the couch resting, and never felt rested.” None of these places is bad. Each one is your body trying to protect you. The goal is not to stay at the top forever. It is to find your way back up, more and more gently, when you slip. (If the middle rung is familiar, you may find Growing Beyond Overwhelm helpful too.)

Finding what renews you

The most common thing I hear is “I don’t have time.” I understand. The good news is that renewal does not have to be long. Sometimes five minutes is enough to shift your whole evening. What renews you may be as unique as you are. A walk in the cold might wake one person up and wear another out. Some people settle with silence, others with music turned up loud. So please do not read what follows as a prescription. These are sparks: things others have found perk them up or settle them down. Notice which ones make something in you lean in, and let them lead you toward your own. Think of them as seeds. Plant the ones that sound like you, and see what grows in your garden. If none of these quite fit, a few questions can help you find your own. What did you love to do as a child, before anyone told you it was a waste of time? When did you last lose track of time in a good way? After what kinds of moments do you feel most like yourself? Your answers are clues. They may point to the very things that renew you.

Quieting: coming back to calm in good company

In the Life Model, one of the core skills of emotional maturity is quieting: the learned ability to calm yourself after something stirs you up, and to come back to rest. It is a skill, which means it can grow with practice at any age. And it grows best in connection, with someone safe or with God, rather than alone. I remember an evening when I felt this for myself. My husband was absorbed in his phone, and I felt that familiar sinking feeling of disconnection. In the past I would have criticized him or pulled away hurt. That night I went to the living room, lit a fire, and read poetry while snow fell outside. Within minutes I felt warmth and peace filling me up again. And here is what surprised me: my husband came to find me. He was drawn by the calm. I had not tried to get his attention. I had simply tended my own garden, and it changed the feeling in our whole home. A tended garden does not chase anyone. It magnetizes. There is a reason the feeling in our home changed. When we are worn out or upset, the parts of the brain that help us stay relational, the ones that let us see people as people and stay curious about them, tend to go quiet. We start treating the people we love like problems to solve. Quieting brings those circuits back online. That is why a few minutes of real rest can make you warmer, not just calmer.

Asking what you feel and what you need

At the heart of soul renewal is one honest question: What am I feeling right now, and what do I need? A pastor I worked with struggled with this at first. It felt selfish, almost like failing God. Then he noticed something in the Gospels. Jesus asked a woman at a well for a drink because he was actually thirsty (John 4:7). In the garden, he told his friends his soul was deeply troubled (Matthew 26:38). He often withdrew to quiet places to pray (Luke 5:16). “If Jesus could be that honest about his needs,” the pastor said, eyes filling, “who am I to deny mine?” Simply naming a feeling can help. Dr. Dan Siegel calls it “name it to tame it.” If you would like simple words to start with, the Heart to Heart Check-in offers a gentle way in.

Inviting God into the renewal

What turns these small practices from self-care into something deeper is inviting God to join you in them. “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Isaiah 30:15). One client, Emma, imagined Jesus sitting with her on a day she felt completely shut down. “I expected him to be disappointed in me for not doing better,” she said through tears. “But all I heard was, ‘I’m so glad you’re resting. I’ve been waiting to sit with you.'” You might try it this way. Before your five minutes, pause and remember that God is already here, glad to be with you. Tell him honestly how you are. Ask, “Lord, what would you like me to notice about how I’m feeling right now?” Then do your practice with open hands, and thank him for what you receive. Some people find it helps to write it down. You might write a few honest lines to God about how you are, then pause and write what you sense he might say back, starting with “I see you.” This practice is often called Immanuel journaling, and the answers are often gentler than people expect.

Start with one small step

You do not need a perfect routine. You might simply notice, a few times this week, which rung of the ladder you are on. Then try one small thing that sounds like you, and notice what it does. You will forget some days. That is part of it. Each time you come back to yourself, it gets a little easier to find the way. And here is the quiet surprise many people find: renewal does not pull you away from the people you love. It brings you back to them, more present, more patient, more yourself. A well-tended garden is a place others love to visit, too. Soul renewal is one of the Seven Sacred Skills of a Gentle Protector. If you have been running on empty for a long time, and small steps are not enough to refill the well, you do not have to find your way back alone. I would be honored to walk with you. You can book a session whenever you are ready.

Further reading: Deb Dana, Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (Sounds True, 2021). E. James Wilder, Edward M. Khouri, Chris M. Coursey, and Shelia D. Sutton, Joy Starts Here (Shepherd’s House, 2013).

Research behind the brain notes: Balban et al., “Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal,” Cell Reports Medicine (2023). Coan, Schaefer, and Davidson, “Lending a hand: Social regulation of the neural response to threat,” Psychological Science (2006). Lieberman et al., “Putting feelings into words,” Psychological Science (2007).

Client stories have been changed to protect confidentiality while keeping what they teach.