The Remarkable Power of Appreciation

Appreciation isn’t just a nice sentiment—it’s a powerful skill that can reshape your brain, your relationships, and your entire experience of life. As we explore the JoyPath gentle protector skill of “Transform with Appreciation,” we’ll discover how this practice can transform overwhelm into peace and chaos into calm clarity.

The Appreciation Challenge

Many of us live in a world dominated by what’s wrong. Our media landscape thrives on crisis and catastrophe, constantly showing us what to fear and worry about. Our minds naturally focus on problems, creating a perpetual cycle of anxiety and discontent.

Consider James, a JoyPath client who felt constantly overwhelmed by work pressures. His mind endlessly cycled through what he hadn’t accomplished, criticisms from his boss, and deadlines looming ahead. This fear state manifested physically—tension headaches, disrupted sleep, and a perpetual sense of dread.

“It felt like I was looking at my life through a dirty lens,” *James shared. “All I could see were the smudges and problems.”

The Neuroscience of Appreciation

To understand why appreciation is so powerful, we need to explore what happens in our brains. Dr. Jim Wilder explains that our brains have two primary operating systems: the fear system (centered in the amygdala) and the relational system (involving the prefrontal cortex).

When we’re stuck in fear mode, our amygdala is running the show. This survival-oriented part of the brain is constantly scanning for threats, leading us to focus on what’s wrong or what might go wrong. Dr. Rick Hanson aptly states, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.”

Appreciation activates the brain’s relational circuits—specifically the right prefrontal cortex—which is responsible for joy, connection, creativity, and problem-solving. When these circuits engage, we quite literally see differently. Our perspective widens, and we notice resources and possibilities instead of just problems.

Dr. James Doty’s research reveals that gratitude activates the brain’s reward pathways, releasing neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin, which are essential for our happiness and well-being. Dr. Alan Shore emphasizes that gratitude helps engage the right prefrontal cortex, responsible for higher-order functions like planning, emotional regulation, and social interactions. By nurturing gratitude, we can lift ourselves from a fear-driven state to a more open, curious, and relational mindset.

Entering an Appreciation Story: The JoyPath Method

Dr. Karl Lehman and Dr. Jim Wilder teach a powerful technique for entering appreciation stories that forms the foundation of the JoyPath “Transform with Appreciation” skill. Here’s how to practice it:

1. Notice When You’re Stuck in Fear

The first step is developing awareness of when you’re in a fear state. Signs include:

• Ruminating on problems
• Feeling tense, anxious, or irritable
• Black-and-white thinking
• Difficulty focusing or sleeping
• Physical symptoms like headaches or digestive issues

2. Pause and Choose an Appreciation Memory

When you recognize you’re in fear mode, pause. Take a deep breath. Then, deliberately choose a specific memory that brings you a sense of peace, joy, and gratitude. The key elements of an effective appreciation memory are:

• It should be specific and detailed (not abstract)
• When first practicing, it should be a clean memory, with no thorns attached (that may trigger the fear center)
• It should involve relational connection (with people, yourself, nature, or God)
• It should be vivid and sensory-rich

I remember working with Sarah, a dedicated mother who felt constantly inadequate. During one session, she recalled a morning when her husband brought her coffee in bed—a simple act of kindness that had touched her deeply.

“Close your eyes,” I invited her, “and really be there again.”

Her face softened as she described the warmth of the mug in her hands, the rich aroma, sunlight streaming through her bedroom window, and the tender look in her husband’s eyes. As she fully entered this memory, I watched her entire body relax. Her breathing deepened, and tears gathered in her eyes.

“I can feel this warmth spreading through my chest,” she whispered. “Like being cherished.”

3. Enter the Memory Fully

This is where the magic happens. Don’t just think about the memory—step into it completely:

• Visualize the scene in detail: What do you see? Where are you?
• Engage your senses: What sounds, smells, and physical sensations are present?
• Feel the emotions: Let yourself fully experience the joy, peace, or love from that moment
• Notice your bodily response: How did appreciation feel in your body?

For example, when Sarah, another JoyPath client, practiced this skill, she recalled a morning when her husband brought her coffee in bed, simply because he wanted to do something kind. Instead of just thinking, “That was nice,” she vividly recalled the warmth of the mug in her hands, the aroma of the coffee, the sunlight streaming through the window, and the tender look in her husband’s eyes. She allowed herself to feel the warmth of being cherished spread through her chest.

4. Expand the Appreciation

After fully entering the memory, expand your appreciation:

• What made this moment possible?
• Who contributed to this experience?
• What qualities or values were present?
• What does this memory reveal about what matters to you?

5. Bridge Back to the Present

The final step is to bring the relational brain activation from your appreciation memory back to your current situation:

• How does this shift in brain state change how you see your current challenge?
• What resources or perspectives do you now have access to?
• How might you approach the situation differently from this appreciation-activated state?

The Impact: Resetting Your Brain and Relationships

When practiced regularly, this appreciation technique creates lasting changes as the brain develops pathways to the executive functioning where we are able to feel curious, confident, connected, and calm. After consistent practice, James noticed a dramatic shift. “It was like cleaning that dirty lens,” he reported. “Suddenly I could see all the things that were going right—supportive colleagues, projects I’d completed successfully, and moments of genuine connection with my team.”

The appreciation practice didn’t make his deadlines disappear, but it did transform how he related to them. From his reset brain state, he could approach challenges with creativity and calm rather than panic.

Appreciation in Action: Transformative Stories

I’ve been privileged to witness so many beautiful transformations through this practice.

There was Sylvia, a driven professional who couldn’t sleep during a high-stakes project, her mind racing with worst-case scenarios. During our session, I guided her to fully enter a memory of reaching a mountain summit at sunrise. As she immersed herself—feeling the cool morning air, hearing birds awakening, seeing golden light spreading across the valley—her entire body changed. Her breathing deepened, her shoulders relaxed, and tears of joy filled her eyes.

“From that appreciation place,” she later shared, “I could suddenly see the project not as a threat but as an opportunity to create something valuable. My creativity returned, and I actually enjoyed the work again.”

Then there’s Marcus, who struggled with profound loneliness after moving to a new city. His brain was locked in patterns of rejection and disconnection. In our work together, he practiced daily appreciation immersions, recalling moments of deep connection from his past.

“I remembered a camping trip with friends where we stayed up all night talking around the fire,” Marcus told me. “As I really let myself be there again—feeling the fire’s warmth on my face, hearing the laughter, experiencing that sense of belonging—something shifted inside me. The next day, I surprised myself by actually starting conversations with people at my local coffee shop.”

Within weeks, Marcus had begun forming new friendships. The appreciation practice hadn’t magically created connections, but it had reset his brain from defensive isolation to relational openness.

One of the most touching stories comes from Teresa, who was caring for her mother with advancing dementia. The constant demands had left her exhausted and increasingly resentful. During our sessions, Teresa began practicing appreciation resets throughout her day, focusing on tender memories with her mother.

“I remembered how Mom used to brush my hair when I was little,” Teresa shared softly. “She would sing while she worked out the tangles so gently. When I fully entered that memory—feeling her caring hands, hearing her voice, experiencing that maternal love—I could access that same tenderness toward her now, even in our hardest moments.”

Teresa found that these regular appreciation resets gave her emotional resilience. “I still get tired,” she admitted, “but I’m not bitter anymore. I can see the gift in these days together, even with all the challenges.”

Amplifying Joy Through Shared Appreciation

One powerful enhancement to this practice is sharing your appreciation stories with others. When you verbalize these moments of gratitude, several powerful things happen:

1. The memory becomes more concrete and vivid in your own mind
2. Your brain gets a second dose of the positive neurochemicals
3. You create the opportunity for shared joy with your listener

I think of Jasmine, who struggled with persistent anxiety. She began ending each day by sharing an appreciation story with her roommate. “At first it felt awkward,” she confessed with a laugh, “but soon it became our favorite evening ritual. We both started noticing beautiful moments throughout our days that we might have missed before, just so we’d have something meaningful to share.”

This sharing practice created a beautiful cycle. Not only did Jasmine’s anxiety decrease, but her friendship deepened through this intentional sharing of joy.

You might consider finding an “appreciation buddy” in your life. Commit to sharing one detailed gratitude story each day, either in person, by phone, or through voice messages. As you speak your appreciation out loud—with all its colors, sounds, and heart-feelings—you strengthen your own joy muscles while spreading warmth to someone else.

Starting Your Own Appreciation Practice

To develop this JoyPath gentle protector skill, try these practical steps:

Here are some gentle ways to develop this JoyPath skill in your daily life:

1. Morning Gratitude Moments

Before reaching for your phone each morning, place your hand on your heart and recall one specific thing you appreciate. Feel it fully in your body.

2. Appreciation Resets

When you notice tension, irritability, or worry arising, pause for a 90-second appreciation reset. Even this brief immersion can shift your brain state remarkably.

3. Appreciation Notes

Write brief, specific notes of appreciation to people in your life. Focus on qualities you value in them or moments that touched you.

4. Sensory Savoring

Take time to fully experience simple pleasures—a warm shower, the taste of fresh fruit, the feeling of sunshine on your skin. Let yourself linger in these sensations.

5. Appreciation Circles

Gather your family members or friends for an “appreciation circle” where each person shares a detailed gratitude story. The energy that flows in these gatherings is remarkably healing.

The Heart of Appreciation

The practice of appreciation connects beautifully with spiritual wisdom across traditions. The biblical encouragement to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) isn’t just a spiritual directive—it’s profound neurological wisdom for living joyfully regardless of circumstances.

When we practice appreciation, we’re not denying difficulties or pretending everything is perfect. Instead, we’re training our hearts to hold both the challenges and the blessings together, with the blessings in the foreground of our vision.

An Invitation to Freedom

As you develop this gentle protector skill, you’ll find yourself moving from a fear-driven life to a joy-oriented one. The brain’s natural negativity bias can be overcome through intentional appreciation practice.

This skill, like all JoyPath gentle protector skills, leads not to temporary mood changes but to genuine transformation—empowerment, hope, and freedom from fear’s narrow vision.

The freedom that comes from seeing through appreciation eyes is available to all of us, in every moment. As you practice this skill, you’ll discover that gratitude isn’t just a nice sentiment—it’s a path of liberation that leads you home to your true, joyful self, one moment of appreciation at a time.

Note: All client stories have been heavily altered to protect confidentiality while preserving the essential teaching points.

References

Doty, J. R. (2016). Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon’s Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart. Penguin Random House.

Emmons, R. A. (2007). Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Lehman, K. D. (2016). The Processing Pathway for Painful Emotions and Traumatic Memories. Immanuel Press.

Schore, A. N. (2019). The Development of the Unconscious Mind. W. W. Norton & Company.

Wilder, E. J. (2020). Renovated: God, Dallas Willard, and the Church That Transforms. NavPress.

Wilder, E. J., & Hendricks, M. (2020). The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation. Moody Publishers.