How Wet Shoes Led to Relationship Transformation

I remember the moment everything shifted in my awareness of my need for transformation. It wasn’t during a profound workshop or while reading a life-changing book. It was on a Friday morning, dragging our garbage cans through our driveway in the rain.

As I wrestled with the unwieldy bins, I found myself muttering a litany of frustrations about my husband. “Why can’t he remember to do this one thing? Why am I always the one who has to pick up the slack? If he really loved me, he’d notice these things without me having to ask.”

And then, in the middle of my rain-soaked complaining, I had one of those rare moments of clarity that stops you in your tracks. I realized I’d spent years pointing out his every misstep in our marriage, convinced that if I just highlighted the problems clearly enough, things would change. My heart sunk in remorse. Something needed to change.

But that realization—there in the rain with the water soaking through my shoes—opened the door in my heart to something beautiful. It led me into a vulnerable journey where I shifted from the complaints and grumbling and discovered two profound tools for calling forth greatness in those we love: Love-Fulfilling Prophecies and, in special moments, Healthy Shame Messages. Behind every complain is a hidden desire in our heart and that desire points us to a vision of hope.

Let me share these tools with you, not as techniques for managing or changing others, but as ways of holding space for the truth of who people really are and seeing the thumbprint of the Creator in them.

The Magic of Love-Fulfilling Prophecies

Think of a Love-Fulfilling Prophecy (LFP) as holding a vision of someone’s truest, most beautiful self—not to manipulate them into changing, but to witness and reflect back their capacity for love and growth.

You’ve probably heard of self-fulfilling prophecies—how our beliefs about a situation influence our actions in ways that make those beliefs come true. Well, I’ve discovered there are actually two kinds of relationship prophecies: fear-fulfilling and love-fulfilling. The first comes from our wounds and fears, leading us to unconsciously scan for and create the very disconnection we’re most afraid of. Out of this pours our complaint. The second flows from love and vision, helping call forth the beauty we discover living in those we care about.

Jessi*, one of my dear clients at JoyPath Coaching, showed me the profound difference between these two paths. When she first came to me, she was carrying such deep pain around her marriage to Mike. As she shared her story, tears streaming down her face, my heart ached with recognition. I’d walked this same path in my own marriage—the exhaustion of trying to “fix” someone you love, the loneliness of feeling emotionally abandoned.

“I’ve tried everything,” she whispered, her voice thick with grief. “Pointing out when he shuts down, giving him the silent treatment, even threatening to leave. Nothing works. The more I push for connection, the more distant he becomes.” She looked up at me with such desperation in her eyes. “Am I crazy for wanting more? Should I just accept that this is how it’s going to be?”

I leaned forward, “Jessi, This sounds painful! I hear how much you’re hurting. The loneliness of feeling disconnected from someone you love so deeply sounds hard to carry. And I’m understanding from you that it can feel maddening waiting for deeper connection. I acknowledge that desire for deep connection and admire it as a beautiful part of you.”

I breathed deeply with her until I saw her shoulders relax just a bit. Then I asked gently, “Jessi, would you be willing to explore something with me? I’m curious what was it like with Mike when you first fell in love—what did you adore about him then?”

Jessi’s whole energy shifted as she shared about their early days. “He used to look at me like I was the most fascinating person in the world,” she remembered, her eyes softening. “He’d notice tiny details about my day, remember them weeks later. That man who was so tuned in—sometimes I wonder if I imagined him.”

“What if you didn’t imagine him?” I suggested. “What would it be like to discover that deeply attentive man may still be there, just waiting to be seen and appreciated again?”

Creating My Love-Fulfilling Prophecies

This is where the magic begins. An LFP isn’t about pretending problems don’t exist—it’s about choosing which truth to water and grow. Here’s how to create one, using examples from my rainy garbage can moment:

1. Notice my momentary fear-fulfilling prophecy:

• Fear driven thoughts that Friday morning: “My husband doesn’t care enough to remember the garbage cans. If he loved me, he’d notice these things without me asking.”
• I was literally standing in the rain, collecting evidence for my belief that he was inconsiderate.

2. Find the hidden desire (the joy I’m afraid I’m missing) and create my LFP:

• What I truly wanted was partnership and to feel valued.
• My LFP became: “My husband has such capacity for thoughtful partnership and cherishes me in beautiful ways.”
• This wasn’t denying reality—he genuinely did have this capacity, though I’d stopped looking for it, so I hadn’t noticed it for some time.

3. Begin gathering my evidence:

• I started a “Vision Journal” (I called it my Winning Journal) where, like a love detective, I wrote down any evidence to support my LFP. My first entry: He made coffee for me the morning I was rushing to get ready.
• I noticed when he texted during his busy day just to check in.
• When he listened intently as I talked about my day, I wrote it down—these small glimpses of presence were real.

4. Share my gathered evidence through my expressed appreciation:

• Instead of “Why don’t you ever take out the garbage?” I said, “I noticed how you fixed that leaky faucet without me asking—thank you for taking care of our home.”
• “I love how you reached for my hand during that difficult conversation with the kids.”
• “The way you make time for us, even when you’re exhausted, shows me how much you value our connection.”

A LFP in The Wild

A client, Philip, shared this win with me. After dinner one evening, his wife, Reese slumped into the couch, exhausted after a challenging day with the kids. Phillip noticed her fatigue and uncovered his fear-fulfilling prophecy: “My wife is always too tired for connection; she prioritizes the kids over our marriage.”

Instead, Phillip chose his love-fulfilling prophecy: “My wife has an incredible capacity for balancing roles while keeping our connection strong. Our connection is important to her.”

That night, as they cleaned up together, Phillip said, “I noticed how you made space for Jason to talk about his school troubles today, even when you were exhausted. I appreciate the way you listen so fully to our children shows me the depth of presence you bring to your relationships—including ours.”

Reese looked up, surprised. “Really? I felt like I was failing at everything today.”

“Not from where I stand,” Phillip replied. “Your capacity for meaningful connection, even on hard days, is one thing I cherish about you.”

Later, Phillip documented this moment in his Vision Journal, noting how Reese had reached for his hand after his words, initiating the first meaningful contact they’d had all week.

By flipping this complaint through the passageway of his desires, he created emotional safety as he reached out for connection. By shifting away from fear, Philip designed a whole new dance with Reese— a connection birthed from love and peace.

LFP: Your Turn

Perhaps uncovering your own LFP may sound something more like this:

1. Notice your current fear-fulfilling prophecy:

• “He’s emotionally unavailable”
• “She never makes time for us”
• “They don’t care about family”

2. Find the hidden desire and create your LFP:

• “He has such capacity for deep emotional presence”
• “She values our connection and finds creative ways to nurture it”
• “They have such a beautiful capacity for family closeness”

3. Begin gathering evidence:

• Keep a “Vision/Winning Journal” of moments that confirm your LFP
• Look for tiny glimpses of the quality you’re witnessing
• Celebrate small movements and wins toward wholeness

4. Share your gathered evidence through expressed appreciation (bonus: Let them know how it made you feel in that moment!):

• “I noticed how present you were during dinner”
• “The way you reached for my hand meant everything”
• “I love seeing your heart for connection” + “I felt so warm inside”

The Biblical Foundation of Vision-Holding

This practice of holding loving vision has deep roots in Scripture, which warns us that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Consider God’s words to Gideon in Judges 6:12. If you are familiar with this passage, you’ll remember when the angel of the Lord appeared to him: “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” What’s fascinating about this greeting is that Gideon was hiding in a winepress, threshing wheat out of fear of his enemy, the Midianites—not exactly the picture of a mighty warrior! Yet God addressed him not according to his present fear, but according to his true identity and calling.

Throughout Scripture, we see this pattern again and again. God calls Abraham “the father of many nations” long before he had even a single child. Jesus looks at impulsive Simon and names him Peter, “the rock,” seeing his future steadfastness. This is the essence of love-fulfilling prophecy—seeing people according to their God-given identity rather than their current struggle. When we recognize that what we focus on neurologically expands in awareness, we get to choose which traits we focus on and give oxygen to in those around us.

As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:7, ‘Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.’ Perhaps one of the most profound ways we live out this kind of love is by believing in someone’s capacity for wholeness and growth, even when—especially when—it’s not yet fully visible. This practice echoes the profound insights I’ve gained from Katie Skurja’s work with Imago Dei Ministries, where I learned to see beyond fear-state behaviors to glimpse the divine image established in Genesis 1:27, ‘So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them.’ This imago dei remains undiminished within each person, even as we grow toward greater reflection of it through transformation (2 Corinthians 3:18, ‘And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image’). When we hold a Love-Fulfilling Prophecy for someone, we’re not imposing our will or creating something new—we’re acting as gentle witnesses to the sacred design already present. I’ve watched transformation unfold in my own relationships and those of my clients when we approach others with this reverence, creating space for their awareness of their own sacred worth to reawaken. Like morning light gradually revealing the colors in a stained glass window, our loving vision helps others remember the imago dei within themselves, empowering them to live more fully from their true identity as bearers of God’s image.

The Brain Science of Vision-Holding

When we consistently hold a loving vision of someone, something remarkable happens in their brain. Dr. Jim Wilder’s research on the Life Model shows that our right orbital prefrontal cortex—our identity center—actually strengthens and grows when we’re consistently seen in our best light.

Dr. Alan Shore’s groundbreaking work on attachment and right-brain development complements this understanding. His research demonstrates that when we feel truly seen by another—not just in our behavior but in our essence—the right hemisphere of our brain experiences a kind of “coming online” that enhances our capacity for connection and emotional regulation.

Dr. James Doty, neurosurgeon and founder of Stanford’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, has shown through his research that when we experience compassionate attention from another, our vagal tone improves. This is where Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory enters the conversation—improved vagal tone means our nervous system feels safer, more regulated, and more capable of authentic connection.

When we shift from focusing on problems to holding a vision of potential, we’re not just being optimistic—we’re actually helping reshape neural pathways in both our brains and the brains of those we love. This is the neurobiological foundation of what we teach in our JoyPath Gentle Protector skills—learning to create spaces of safety and vision that allow both ourselves and others to thrive.

Jessi’s Inspiring Transformation

Remember Jessie from earlier? Her story with Mike takes a beautiful turn. After our conversation about love-fulfilling prophecies, she decided to experiment with this approach in her marriage. Instead of focusing on what was missing, she began collecting evidence of the connection that was still there, however faint.

The transformation didn’t happen overnight. There were awkward moments of vulnerability, uncomfortable silences, and even a few arguments as old patterns of fear and complaints tried to reassert themselves. But Jessi persisted with a quiet determination that moved me deeply.

One evening, about three months into our work together, Jessi came to our session with tears in her eyes—but these were different tears. “Something happened last night,” she told me, her voice trembling with emotion. “Mike and I were watching TV, and I felt him looking at me. When I turned, he had this expression… I can’t even describe it. It was like he was really seeing me for the first time in years…the way I remember him gazing at me when we dated.”

She explained how they’d talked for hours that night, sharing fears and hopes they’d kept hidden for so long. Mike admitted that he’d withdrawn because he felt like a failure—that nothing he did seemed to make her happy. “I’ve been so afraid of disappointing you that I stopped trying,” he confessed.

“What was different ?” I asked Jessi gently.

“I think… I think he finally felt safe enough to be vulnerable again,” she reflected. “All those months of me noticing and appreciating the good in him—it was like watering a plant that everyone thought was dead. But there was life there all along, just waiting for the right conditions to grow. He has begun to mirror me, and I feel watered and empowered by his love too!”

Today, Jessi and Mike aren’t perfect—no couple is—but they’ve created a new foundation built on vision-holding rather than criticism.  This is a shift that Jessie initiated just by working on herself and choosing to hold a vision of hope. They’ve learned to be gentle protectors of each other’s hearts, and they’re teaching their children the same skills 

The Gift of Healthy Shame Messages

Now, let me introduce you to another tool of love—one that’s often misunderstood but can be profoundly healing when used with care and wisdom. Healthy shame messages aren’t about making someone feel bad; they’re gentle reminders of who someone truly is when they’ve temporarily lost their way.

I experienced the power of healthy shame messages years ago in a profound moment with my mentor, Eleanor. Sitting in her living room, I was venting about a family member when she gently interrupted:

“Sweetheart, I hear you’re hurt. I remember being overwhelmed in these situations as well and how hard it was to notice the good in others. It was hard for me to learn to feel the hurt and still treat them with honor. Dear one, we don’t tear down the people we love. We’re gentle protectors who call forth greatness.”

Her words weren’t crushing criticism—they were a loving mirror reflecting my true self beneath my fear-state behaviors. She showed me how I was trying to create closeness through criticism—a bad tool I had learned in childhood. She invited me to uncover I was made for more and to find my way back to who I was designed to be.

As with healthy shame messages, what made her approach healing was that she:

1. Reminded me of my true identity
2. Highlighted the disconnect between my behavior and values
3. Offered a path back to alignment

And further, she also added a personal story from her past that let me know I wasn’t alone in my struggle. This helped lift me from the shame of being unique in my problem. She let me know that we are all mere mortals on our journey toward wholeness—I was not alone.

She didn’t make me feel stuck—she invited me back to wholeness, holding up a mirror within the safety of her unwavering belief in who I really was. That’s the essence of healthy shame: not “you are a mistake,” but “this behavior doesn’t align with who you truly are,” offering a pathway home to our authentic selves. While I experienced healthy shame over my guilt, she engaged with me in a way that alleviated struggling with toxic shame.

Building Golden Bridges Through Gentle Shame Messages

I’ll never forget learning about “golden bridges” from William’s Bridges work on change management and how it illuminated to me the power of healthy shame messages. A golden bridge is a pathway that offers someone a dignified route to change their behavior while preserving their honor and true identity. It’s not just any path forward—it’s one carefully constructed to maintain connection and respect while still addressing what needs to change.

This reminds me of my dear friend Joan with her seven-year-old granddaughter at the Chicago Art Institute. When little Elsie couldn’t resist touching the sculptures despite gentle reminders, Joan knelt down and said, “Sweetie, I see your curiosity and love of beauty—that’s who you truly are. But we’re the kind of family that honors art by looking with our eyes, not our hands. Let’s find our way to being respectful art explorers together.”

What happened next was both lightning-quick and heart-meltingly endearing. Elsie’s eyes brightened, and she lifted her chin with a newfound sense of purpose, saying “Thank you, Grandma!” in that sweet voice that carried such natural dignity. In that moment, the golden bridge Joan had crafted allowed this child to step back into her honorable self with grace and even appreciation.

This bridge works because it speaks directly to our deepest need for connection while honoring our identity. When Joan described the curiosity and love of beauty as Ellie’s core identity, she laid the planks to the bridge, and when she said “we’re the kind of family,” she created a secure handrail—reminding Elsie that she belonged to something larger than her momentary mistake. The bridge connects who we truly are at our core with a clear path back to that truth when we’ve momentarily lost our way. Instead of isolating her in shame, Joan build a pathway back to Elsie’s authentic self.

This golden bridge honors who we truly are while acknowledging a momentary disconnect in behavior. It’s why gentle shame messages heal rather than wound—they always illuminate the way home to our truer, honorable selves.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

The Gift of Seeing Their True Nature

Especially with children, healthy shame messages take on profound importance because we’re not just correcting behavior—we’re helping shape how they see themselves at their core. I observed this lesson one summer afternoon at the local park, as I watched my friend’s husband, Joe, navigate a difficult moment with his son.

Little Ethan had just pushed his younger sister off the swing in a moment of frustration. Instead of the typical “What were you thinking?” reaction, Joe knelt down to meet his lowered eyes and said something that touched my heart to witness:

“Ethan, you’re my respectful, thoughtful boy. I honor you for the young man you are. When you pushed Emma, that doesn’t match the brother I know you to be. We are the kind of people who are respectful. Let’s find a way to make this right, and remember who we truly are.”

I watched as Ethan’s whole body changed—his shoulders relaxed, his defenses melted away, and he looked up at his dad with eyes that said, “Thank you for seeing me beyond this moment.”

This interaction illuminates the crucial difference between toxic shame and healthy shame. When we say “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why can’t you ever behave right?” we’re attacking someone’s very identity. But when we separate the behavior from their essence—”This action doesn’t reflect who I know you to be”—we offer them a golden bridge back to their true self and back to the fold. We hold for them a vision of themselves that they may have lost sight of.

Moments That Transform Us

Last year, during a group I attended, a mother, Sophia, shared a story that moved many of us to tears. Her teenage son had lied about where he was going one Friday night, and when she discovered the truth about his plans, her initial reaction came from a place of fear and anger: “I can’t believe you would do this. Why would you do that!”

She saw him shut down immediately—shoulders hunched, eyes downcast. At that moment, something shifted in her heart. She took a deep breath and tried again:

“Alex, I felt sad, and I want to be with you in this. I remember facing struggles as a teenager where I tested our family’s rules. You are someone who values honesty and integrity. This choice doesn’t align with the thoughtful man I know. We are the kind of people who are forthright. I wonder what was happening that made it hard to be truthful. Let’s figure this out together and find our way back.”

“The difference,” Sophia told our group, her voice catching, “was that the first approach made him feel like a family outcast. The second let him know he was a valued person who had made a choice that didn’t align with his or our values. It gave him somewhere to go besides toxic shame and showed a place to get back to.”

The conversation that followed wasn’t easy, but it opened a door that might otherwise have remained closed. Her son revealed feelings of peer pressure and fear of disappointment that had been building for months.

The Path Back Home

When we offer healthy shame messages, especially to children, we’re doing something profoundly sacred—we’re holding up a mirror to their highest selves, even when they’ve temporarily lost sight of who they are. This doesn’t mean we ignore hurtful behavior or skip accountability. Rather, we address the behavior while protecting the precious core of who they are.

Some gentle phrases that help others find their way back include:

• “I know you care deeply about others. This action doesn’t match the kind person I know you to be. We are the kind of people who treat others with respect.”
• “You’re someone who solves problems with words. Using your hands to hurt doesn’t reflect your true nature. We are the kind of people who use our hands to help and protect.”
• “The thoughtful woman I know makes choices that built up, not tear down. We live lives with purpose. Let’s find our way back together.”

Notice how each message separates identity from behavior while offering a pathway to repair, return, and connection. This approach requires us to first see beyond the behavior to the true essence—a practice that may transforms not just them, but us as we hold them in this light.

A Practice of Coming Home

In my own journey, I’ve stumbled more times than I can count. There have been exhausted evenings when “Why would you ever do that?” slipped out before I could catch it. In those moments, I’ve learned that the path back home isn’t just for others—it’s for us too.

The practice begins with compassion for ourselves, acknowledging that we’re learning alongside. When we model how to recover from our own missteps with a do-over—“I apologize. That was disrespectful, and I wish I had responded differently. Let me try again”—we teach, perhaps, the most valuable lesson of all: that coming back to our true nature is a lifelong journey of gentle returns.

As you move through the inevitable challenges of guiding the hearts in your fold, remember that your voice becomes the inner voice of those you influence. When you speak to them from a place of seeing their essence and holding a vision of hope, you’re planting seeds of resilience and self-compassion that will bloom throughout their lifetime.

The words we speak over others breathe life into them…or not. We get to make our words a lighthouse that guides them back to the truth of who they are, even when storms temporarily hide their way home.

Guiding Back to The Fold

In the JoyPath Gentle Protector approach for gentle shame messages, we teach to:

1. Connect before correcting: Make sure your child or loved one feels your love and care before offering guidance Bonus: vulnerably share a story of a personal, familiar challenge to further lift toxic shame
2. Speak to their true identity: Remind them of who they really are
3. Name the disconnect: Gently point out how the behavior doesn’t match their true self
4. Offer restoration: Give them a way to make things right and return to alignment

The brain science here is fascinating for adults and especially children. Dr. Porges’ research shows that children’s developing nervous systems are particularly sensitive to the emotional tone of correction. When we use healthy shame messages delivered with warmth and connection, the nervous system stays regulated enough to actually integrate the lesson. This honorable approach is vastly different from fear-based approach yielding toxic shame that triggers shutdown or hyperarousal.

Dr. Shore’s groundbreaking work further illustrates how these early experiences of respectful correction actually help build the neural architecture for healthy self-regulation. When we combine vision-holding with thoughtful correction, we’re literally helping wire brains for both resilience and connection.

In Dr. Jim Wilder’s pioneering research, he also reveals something fascinating: transformation happens best in community. When we need to course-correct someone we care about, the most powerful approach is to speak from shared identity: “We are the kind of people who treat each other this way” rather than “You shouldn’t do that.”

This “we” language does something remarkable – it reminds people they belong to something bigger than their current behavior. It calls them back to their group identity and shared values rather than pushing them away in shame.

When to Use Each Tool

Love-Fulfilling Prophecies are your primary tool—use them daily, consistently, in all your relationships. They’re like the air you breathe into your relationships, the constant vision you hold.

On the other hand, healthy shame messages are like a gentle course correction. Use thoughtfully and sparingly when someone in your influence has strayed far from their true nature. They’re most effective when:

• You have a deep foundation of love and trust
• The person knows you see and believe in their goodness
• You can deliver the message with genuine care and tenderness

In our JoyPath Gentle Protector skills training, we emphasize that the ratio matters—aim for many expressions of LFPs, vision, and appreciation for every one gentle correction. This ratio creates a relational safe-haven where truth can be heard without triggering fear-state responses.

The Vulnerability of Becoming a Gentle Protector

I want to be completely honest with you—stepping into this way of being requires tremendous vulnerability. It asks us to lay down our defenses, our need to be right, and our habit of protecting ourselves through criticism or control. Instead, we’re called to protect others’ hearts even when our own hearts feel exposed.

Some time ago, when I was in the healing phase of my marriage, my private coach challenged me with a question that changed everything: “What is getting in the way of you becoming willing to be the first one to become vulnerable? Would you be willing to stretch and practice appreciation even when you don’t feel appreciated yourself?”

I remember the resistance that rose up in me. “But that’s not fair! Why should I have to go first? He’s the one who…”

She gently unwound my protest with wisdom I’ll never forget: “How do you want to show up in your relationship? Joanna, what would it be like to experiment with taking the first step?” I took that step.

In my relationship, flourishing began when I let go of the title of martyr and chose to put down my sword and shield. That vulnerability doesn’t make me weak—it makes me incredibly brave.

Practicing appreciation at this level—not just noting the good things but actively looking for evidence of someone’s truest, most beautiful self—requires us to set aside our scorecards and grievances. It asks us to become archaeologists of the heart, digging beneath surface behaviors to find the goldmine buried underneath.

This is what becoming a gentle protector truly means—choosing to protect someone else’s heart even when your own feels vulnerable. It means holding space for their greatness even on days when you struggle to see it. It means practicing appreciation not as a technique but as a way of being that transforms both the one who gives and the one who receives.

The Gentle Protector Way

At the heart of the JoyPath approach is what we call the Gentle Protector stance. Being a Gentle Protector means seeing yourself as a guardian of others’ true identity—someone who creates safety while also holding high vision.

The Gentle Protector isn’t passive or permissive. Rather, they combine fierce love, with gentle curiosity, and vision. They protect both the physical and emotional well-being of those in their care and circle. Most importantly, they protect the sacred truth of who each person is beneath their wounding and fear-state behaviors.

This stance transforms our approach to every relationship—whether with our spouses, our children, our friends and colleagues, and even ourselves. It allows us to move from reactivity to responsiveness, from criticism to compassionate truth-telling. And we are practicing stepping into our true identities as we do so.

I’m reminded of Jesus’ example in John 8 with the woman caught in a sin state. He protected her from those who would condemn her, while still speaking truth: “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” This beautiful balance of grace and truth is the heart of being a Gentle Protector.

A Personal Story of Transformation

In my own marriage, learning to hold these visions of hope created a kind of miracle. Not the instant, magical kind, but the slow-blooming miracle of two people growing more fully into themselves because they’re held in the magnetism of love.

As I grew as a gentle protector, I remember one evening, listening to my husband share his dreams and fears with me—the kind of conversation I used to long for. As I watched his face in the soft lamplight, I remembered how I used to believe he was “emotionally unavailable.” How different our marriage might be if I was still living in that fear-fulfilling prophecy instead of choosing to see and nurture his natural capacity for connection.

It took months of intentional practice—of writing down every tiny glimpse of his emotional depth in my vision journal, of expressing appreciation even on days when I felt I was stretching, of choosing vulnerability when more of me wanted to give oxygen to fear and protect myself. There were days when I wondered if anything was changing at all.

But slowly, almost imperceptibly, something shifted between us. The more I practiced holding vision for his emotional capacity, the more it seemed to awaken in him. The more I appreciated his smallest efforts at connection, the more he seemed drawn to connect. It wasn’t manipulation—it was more like watering that garden and watching what was always meant to grow finally find the nourishment it needed.

Your Invitation to Transform

As Proverbs 22:18 reminds us, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” With our words, our attention, our vision-holding, we have the power to injure or heal the hearts of those we love.

Dear friend, I wonder who in your life might need you to hold a love-fulfilling prophecy over them right now? Not to fix or change them but to witness, heal, or call forth life. Remember: this isn’t about manipulation or control. It’s about creating space for people to reconnect with their truest, most beautiful selves.

• What vision of wholeness could you hold for them?
• What truth about their beautiful nature could you reflect back?
• How might you begin gathering evidence of this truth in action?

Then, consider how the gift of a healthy shame message—delivered rarely and with deep tenderness—might help someone you love find their way back to themselves when they’ve temporarily forgotten who they are.

What would it be like to participate in something sacred as you become what Scripture calls us to be—gentle protectors who call forth greatness through the power of love and truth held together? Not just as we are, but as we’re becoming?

In the words of Scripture that have taken on new meaning for me: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7) Perhaps this is what Love has been trying to teach us all along—that our highest calling is not to be harsh critics or disconnected fixers but gentle witnesses to the beauty and potential living in every heart we’re blessed to love. Because life and death are in the tongue, may we choose life—again and again and again.

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Ready to explore how these tools of love can transform your relationships?

These practices and much more form the core of what JoyPath offers. They’re not just techniques—they’re a way of seeing and being that transforms every relationship it touches.

Explore JoyPath services to learn more about holding vision and creating space for transformation.

*Note: All client stories have been lovingly altered to protect privacy while preserving the heart of each transformation journey.

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Sources and Further Reading

For those interested in diving deeper into the research and spiritual foundations behind these approaches, I recommend:

• Dr. Jim Wilder’s work on the Life Model in “Joyful Journey”
• Dr. Stephen Porges’ “The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation”
• Dr. Alan Shore’s “Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self”
• Dr. James Doty’s “Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon’s Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart”
• Imago Dei Ministries: “Reclaim Your True Identity”series by Katie Skurja
• “The Soul of Shame” by Curt Thompson